When it comes to interesting cephalopod sex lives, squid seem to have drawn the short straw. Argonauts, their cousins, keep things interesting with swimming, detachable penises. Giant Pacific Octopus mating involves several hours of rough, squishy grabbing action that would make Toshio Maeda blush. But squid just get a quick hello, a few colorful flashes, and second or two of perfunctory sperm delivery—or so it would seem. A new study suggests that for all they lack in kink, bigfin reef squid do have engaging sex lives. As explained in a new paper in The Biological Bulletin, these randy cephalopods take direction well, switching up their sexual position at a female’s behest to improve their odds of successfully mating. Continue reading “Squid Lovers Switch Sex Positions In Response To Partner’s Signals”
It takes a lot of pressure to recreate an erection like this. Photo by Vladimir Wrangel
Perhaps the hardest part about studying marine mammal reproductive anatomy using organs collected from deceased animals is that they can’t get an erection the easy way.
Reinflating human penises postmortem is a relatively trivial feat, says Diane Kelly, a research assistant professor at University of Massachusetts and penis inflation expert. Like most mammals, human penises are mostly fleshy, with lots of vascular space for blood to flow into to make the flaccid structure rigid with turgor pressure. But whale and dolphin penises are a lot tougher—quite literally. “It’s actually a real challenge to artificially inflate cetacean penises,” she told me. Yes, the size makes things difficult—it takes a lot more saline to fill a large penis than a small one—but it’s more than that. “They have what’s called a ‘fibroelastic’ penis,” she explained, which means their penile tissue contains “a lot of collagen, and it makes the penis, even when flaccid, very stiff and less extensible.”
A very ordinary flatworm with a very extraordinary way of reproducing. Image credit: Lukas Schärer
The flatworm Macrostomum hystrix isn’t exciting to look at. Its diet of microalgae doesn’t raise any eyebrows, and you probably wouldn’t even notice one if you came across it in its native habitat. But in the bedroom, these flatworms take kink to a whole new level: when they can’t find a partner, they will stab themselves in the head with their needle-like penises and inject sperm to self-fertilize. Continue reading “These flatworms plunge their penises into their own heads to inject themselves with sperm (when they must).”
We humans like to think we have the corner on kink. We bust out our whips and chains, flouting our sexual ingenuity. But, as Dr. Carin Bondar has been telling audiences for years, our sex lives are PG-13 in comparison to those in the animal kingdom. Now, she’s teamed up with producer Benjamin Hewett, director Richard Slater-Jones and award-winning wildlife documentary film company Earth Touch for new web series bluntly titled Wild Sex that bares all when it comes to the bizzarre body parts and behaviors involved when animals bump uglies.
“I have been writing and talking about animal sex for the better part of 5 years,” explains Carin, who received her PhD in Freshwater Ecology from the University of British Columbia. “We hit topics hard, and not just for the quirk factor, but because there is a lot of cool science behind so many strange mating rituals.”
When it comes to salacity, this series has it all. The show looks at the spicy sex lives of all sorts of animals, from insects to elephants, outing each for their kinkiest traits. It has your basic fetishes from bondage to orgies, prostitution, and even a little sexual cannibalism. I was fortunate enough to preview the first three episodes, and I am more than impressed with the accuracy, indecency, intelligence and humor with which Carin and her team have tackled these, uh, sticky topics. They make no apologies for the straightforward style—this is a show that gets down and dirty with nature’s deviants. “The show is all about sex, and I was not shy about it,” says Carin. “I approached it from a go big or go home standpoint. I feel like it could have come across as really drab if I played it too safe.”
And go big she does. This is no surprise to anyone who has met Carin in person. Her slogan “biologist with a twist” is spot on, and her bold yet charming personality is immediately apparent when you meet her. On screen, it is even more captivating. She has a way of drawing you right into the room with her, which, given the titillating subject matter, may be a little uncomfortable at times—in a good way. The second episode (which is about getting stuck during copulation) had me wincing and cringing throughout, yet like the soapberry bugs Carin describes, I was totally hooked. From sex toys to half-naked men, Carin wasn’t afraid to choose the right tool to get across the science—which is, of course, the show’s ultimate goal.
“I think that the person who would normally watch a science show will love it,” says Carin, “but people who would not normally watch science shows will have their attention piqued and will love watching it (and learning it!) too.” She giddily explained to me how even the actors and crew got a lot out of filming. “While we were shooting there were so many learning moments with members of the crew…people would say things like ‘Wow! I didn’t know that—that’s so interesting’. ‘I had no idea that…’ ‘I’m so glad I learned that…'”
Carin’s passion for the science behind the sex is what really makes this series work. Anyone who reads my blog knows I’m not shy about these things, but Carin’s knowledge is impressive and disarming, even for a shameless girl like me. In my interview with her, she easily made me blush. It was my fault, really. She mentioned that working with elephants was one of her favorite moments of filming, and I made the mistake of asking how they fit into a sex show. “Surely you must know about the penile clitoris?!” Actually, I don’t, but I’m looking forward to that episode, titled “You Can’t Rape An Elephant.”
Carin is well aware that not everyone will respond kindly to her bold approach to a series about animal sex. “I will (and already have) received feedback along the lines of : oh she sold out to using her looks instead of her brain, oh she’s desperate for attention, etc,” said Carin. It’s sad that any time an attractive woman talks about an even remotely racy topic, she gets these kinds of comments. But Wild Sex isn’t gratuitous; it’s an intelligent, well done scientific program that happens to be about fornication. “So yes, there is sex,” Carin says confidently. “And graphic language. And me being sexy. Take it or leave it, I stand behind my work 100%.”
I’m standing with her. This series is amazing. Carin is a smart, strong, beautiful woman with four kids who isn’t afraid to bust out of puritanical norms and discuss the darkest of animal desires with wit and sex appeal. She is the epitome of a modern feminist, unafraid of and unapologetic about being true to herself and to the science that inspires her. Besides, you have to give props to anyone who can say “detachable swimming penis”, “penis snapping” and “vaginal plugging” with a straight face.
So do yourself a favor: grab some chocolate-dipped strawberries or some oysters, light some candles, and sit down and watch Wild Sex from Earth Touch TV. I can definitely promise things will get wild, but hopefully, you’ll find your brain as aroused as other areas. Carin, Benjamin and Richard have truly nailed it—pun intended.
I only hope that I can find a way to slip in for a cameo when she films season two… What do you say, Carin? What does a girl have to do to get on an episode of Wild Sex?
…Uh, on second thought, maybe I don’t want to know.
Sexual assault is no laughing matter – unless, of course, the would-be rapist isn’t human. Who doesn’t giggle when they see a small dog humping someone’s leg? But what many people don’t realize is that reverse bestiality – where an animal makes unwanted sexual advances on a person – is a true problem for scientists working in the field where the actions of wild animals are completely unpredictable.
Sure, sexual assault is embarrassing though tolerated when committed by a small, fluffy pomeranian with an overactive sex drive. Most people won’t report the assailant to any kind of authority. It’s even pretty funny when sexual advances are made by large, flightless parrot, even though real harm can be done (as you can see in the video on the right). But what do you do if a much larger creature decides you’re the sexiest thing it’s ever seen?
That is exactly what conservation geneticist Brian Bowen had to ask himself in spring of 2007 when diving off the coast of Australia. It was a beautiful morning for scuba diving. The water was a warm 78.8 ºF with crystal clear visibility of at least 100 feet. Bowen and his team were collecting reef fish specimens for ongoing research into the population genetics and phylogeography of Pacific fish species, when a large, male green sea turtle suddenly approached the divers.
More often than not, sea turtles avoid people. Their natural reaction to scuba divers is to swim away. However, this turtle showed no aversion to the presence of people on his reef. He slowly approached Bowen, staying about six feet off to the side as he passed by. But once behind the confused diver, the turtle suddenly turned around and aimed himself at Bowen’s backside.
Quick to respond, Bowen placed his fish collection device on the side of the turtle, keeping him at a distance. The turtle spun the diver around three times in its attempt to mount, but upon realizing the diver had no intention of allowing such an advance, he eventually gave up and swam away.
The face of a would-be rapist?
A large green sea turtle in the water is quite the force to be reckoned with. Bowen estimated this turtle weighed in at over 220 pounds, more than capable of injuring an adult human being. More frighteningly, as mating attempts often involve pinning to the sea floor, these large beasts have the potential to drown an unsuspecting victim. Bowen learned that male sea turtles are known to make these unwanted advances at divers with some frequency, as numerous others have shared similar stories.
Bruce Gernon, an Islamorada real estate agent diving on vacation, recounts a terrible encounter with a large, male loggerhead sea turtle. “The damn thing really overpowered me,” Gernon told local news columnist Bob Epstein. The reptilian attacker pinned him to the sea floor, scaring him half to death. Gernon goes on to describe the attack in detail:
I shoved a lobster at the turtle who inhaled the crustracean, and then I spun out of its grasp. I felt I was free of the encounter, but then the turtle, with renewed interest, grasped me again with its front flippers from the back and around my shoulders. Once again it attempted to pin me to the bottom. All the while the stupid turtle probed me in my backside. Being a strong swimmer and determined not to be molested any further by this deluded loggerhead, I twisted out of its grasp and made for the surface and my boat.
Bowen & Gernon were lucky that their quick reflexes saved them from potentially dangerous and demeaning situations. Others that Epstein spoke to were not so fortunate. Another male diver, who wished to remain anonymous, told Epstein a turtle attacked him twice, pinning him to the bottom. According to Epstein, the turtle eventually “made good its mating attack on this luckless individual.”
These cases serve as a warning to all that animal sexual assaults are serious and dangerous. It’s likely that the frequency of such incidents is even higher, as the social stigma of being the victim of such events is so strong that many attacks likely go unreported. Upon publishing his article, Epstein received at least 10 calls from other victims who had not spoken up previously.
Why do animals shag other species? It’s hard to say. Evolutionarily speaking, there’s no real point in it. Sexing up a member of another species isn’t going to produce offspring. So did the turtle or the parrot mistake their victims for members of their own species? It seems unlikely – but I guess it’s possible. Or were they just so sex crazed, with their hormones on overdrive, that they simply couldn’t stop themselves? Perhaps a truly prepared scientist can find out, if they’re willing to put themselves at risk of assault for the sake of a blood sample.
I want everyone to know this, though: if you are ever sexually assaulted by an animal, do not be afraid to share your story. You are not alone. While it may be hard to verbalize your trauma, you have to know that it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t ask to be attacked. You should also know that by telling of your assault, you are helping others who are not brave enough to do the same. Your account may even help catch a repeat offender. No one should have to feel ashamed by what a wild animal has done to them. No one.
And for those of you who think sexual assault by a turtle or a kakapo is funny: shame on you. Those are real people who have undergone real trauma. Have some compassion! Someday, if karma exists, you may find yourself on the wrong end of an animal’s long stick – and I bet you won’t find it quite so amusing then.
Citations:
Brian Bowen (2007). Sexual Harassment By A Male Green Turtle (Chelonia mydas) Marine Turtle Newsletter, 117
Epstein, B.T. 1989. Turtle Attack is reported: Loggerhead molests divers. The Reporter (weekly newspaper for the Upper Florida Keys), September 7, 1989, pp. 1-2.
When it comes to salacity, this series has it all. The show looks at the spicy sex lives of all sorts of animals, from insects to elephants, outing each for their kinkiest traits. It has your basic fetishes from bondage to orgies, prostitution, and even a little sexual cannibalism. I was fortunate enough to preview the first three episodes, and I am more than impressed with the accuracy, indecency, intelligence and humor with which Carin and her team have tackled these, uh, sticky topics. They make no apologies for the straightforward style—this is a show that gets down and dirty with nature’s deviants. “The show is all about sex, and I was not shy about it,” says Carin. “I approached it from a go big or go home standpoint. I feel like it could have come across as really drab if I played it too safe.”
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